Okay, I am going to discuss…(gasp)…faith. And Jesus. And the church.
I grew up in a Christian home. Mom really did read us the bible, play bible trivia games (which I was never good at), taught us books of the bible, etc. We went to church all the time; every time the doors were open. We were involved in youth group, on stage, and involved any way we could be. I loved this place; it was my refuge. I knew the same people since I was a little girl, then babysat their children. I grew up with the same youth group, and we were very much family. The theme of our church was 'Broken People Welcome Here'…and they really were! My pastor, whom was also my Uncle I was extremely close to, really did welcome anyone in our church. Then he would pull up his sleeves and work very hard to help these same people any way he could. It was not a fake attitude; I saw his sacrifices and saw him help these people with a genuine attitude.
Our church was very much an extremely close family. Then a "scandal" occurred (that I had ZERO to do with, by the way). Yes, it was kind of a big deal. Nut what was interesting to me, was not the scandal itself. Yes, it was big, yes it was hard to deal with…but what really upset me was people's REACTION to the scandal. It was very interesting to see who was really our friends, and who wasn't. I was devastated. I lost people close to me, that I thought would always be there. I saw people take joy in the downfall of others. I saw anger, bitterness, and people seeking revenge.
Now, don't get me wrong…I also saw very loving, real people love us through it all. I felt love by some that I didn't expect, and was hugged by people I didn't realize paid much attention to me. It's in THESE times your faith gets tested. We all make mistakes, we all make choices. We all sin….doesn't it make sense that Satan would especially try to tempt and lure the church people, and people that have a lot of faith and influence??
I stayed away from church for several years after that. I had my rose colored glasses on before. I figured if you didn't do anything wrong, people would believe you. And even if you DID do something wrong, people would still stand by you. Then realty hit, and I was extremely cautious to trust people after that. I still am. I'm not going to get close to the kind of people that will leave my side if I do something wrong, or if someone in my family is going through something. I need strong people by me, people that are Christian, but not the kind that look down their nose at me and the ones I love. Not the kind of people that will spout off scripture to me, when really they don't know what else to say to me or don't care, really. But I need the kind of friends that, at the same time, CAN give me a scripture to think about right when I need one.
Jesus didn't come to this earth and only hang out with "holy" people. If you truly know your Bible, you'll find that Jesus used very flawed people the most. All the important people he used were bad sinners as well. Jesus saw through all that and loved anyway. He was always around sinners. Even if he wasn't preaching, just by his actions, did he showed love.
I feel like if more church people were like that, more people would want to come. I am part of a Church now, and I feel like there are a lot of those kind of people at mine. I've seen their love, I've seen these people love and not judge. I am still very careful. I find myself trying not to get too involved, because I have experienced the pain of close friends turning around and walking away. I do not want to go through that again. Those kind of people make me cringe. I feel like saying "please don't tell anyone you go to church! You give the rest of us a bad name." I especially can't stand the kind of people that try to explain their hate away by using scripture. Do NOT twist the scripture around for your own gain, just to explain your own hateful attitudes and prejudices towards people. I always picture God up there cringing himself saying, "Oh please don't bring MY name into what you're saying!!"
And if you are leery about going to church, or have been through "scandal" yourself, try going anyway. Just, this time, go for YOU. Don't worry what everyone else is doing or saying. Who cares?? You only have to answer for yourself. Sometimes, I pretend no one else is in the room during worship time, and just feel. Talk to God…it doesn't have to sound holy. Talk REAL. You will make mistakes and sin, We all do…your friends and family will. If no one did that, this would be called Heaven and we'd all be angels. It's how you ACT during those times that show people God's love. Be there for your friends and family, even if you don't agree with them. It's through those actions that speak the most about God and church in general. When you look down your nose at people and are quick to judge, you make anyone not going to church think "see?? that's why I don't go".
During the time in my church that was the hardest, I did see love from the people I didn't expect. That goes to show you…just because someone is at church all the time, doesn't mean they will show God's TRUE love. (I do know of people that are at church all the time, and are very, very loving REAL people). But sometimes, it's the people that get there when they can, or still have a hard time going, that you can count on the most. Sometimes, it's through THOSE people, that all of a sudden you will hear God the loudest. Don't assume if someone comes to church sporadically, that they aren't "Godly". You will NEVER know a persons heart. Only God knows our hearts. And I did learn, MY family DOES love and forgive…we will never turn away from each other. We are a STRONG family!
I still struggle with trust and faith, I'm not afraid to admit that….but that means I seek faith out more now. I am not perfect, and never will be….Thank GOD!!! Because sometimes, those are the people He uses the most! ;-)
