I think people forget, sometimes, what we're truly doing here. What we're here for. We're not here to keep up with the Jones's, or advance in a career, or even clean house (thank God!). We're here to survive. We're here to love. And even though I don't always understand why God put us here, I do believe there is a reason.
I am here to make someone's life easier. Anyone's life...I just want to help people. Not in a condescending way...I truly want to make a difference to someone...even if that person will never remember me. I'd like to think most people want that at one point or another in their lives. I know most Foster Parents feel that way...at least I hope so!
I know of quite a few people interested in foster care now, and that makes me so happy! But if I could give any advice, it's to remember foster care isn't an adoption agency. If it happens that way, it's WONDERFUL!! I'm almost at the end of my adoption with my little boy. But I got another baby girl about a year ago...she was supposed to be an adoption. But her father found out about her, and fought for her. He won! And as much as I miss her, and as hard as this has been on me and my family, this is the way it's supposed to go. Every parent that has had their child taken away or in the foster system has a different story. Don't assume the worst. Sometimes, it is the worst. And sometimes it's ugly...but other times, it's inspiring. My little baby girl's father fought for her. How great is it to have someone to fight for you??
When you get a child placed with you, don't get 'territorial'. Love that child as if he/she IS your own...but keep in mind, this is someone else's child, and the goal might be to return to parent. So, start thinking how you can help the process. When I found out my little girl might go home, I started really working with her. I really worked on her crawling, holding her own bottle, putting her to bed awake (and self-soothing). I got her attached to a blankie and a doll that she slept with every night. My thought was maybe that would help the transition, and maybe it would help the parent, too. If there are other kids going to be in the home, you want the child somewhat independant.
If you get an infant, don't let the baby get used to having to be rocked every night to go to sleep, or held all the time. You might be setting that child up for a harder transition. And this is all about the CHILD. No matter what you feel about the parent, don't try to make things harder on them, thinking they'll just give you their baby. It doesn't work that way. Luckily, I like the parent I worked with, and I have a lot of faith in him. Maybe that's why I had a good transition experience. She seemed to bond with him, and I didn't resent that at all. I held her, I loved her, I cherished her while I had her...for a whole year. And hopefully what I did helped her get started for the rest of her life, at home with her family.
If you get an older child (I have only taken infants, so I don't have experience with this)....but if I ever got an older child, I would think "ok, what can I do to help this child as much as possible?" Help them find their talent, even if it takes 6 or 7 different sports/activities you have to try first. Make them proud of themselves. Get them therapy if needed. And not just what the state pays for. Try to get the best you can get. These kids deserve it. I would want to help them be independant as well...learning life skills, etc.
And when you take a child or baby for a visit with the parent, be kind. You don't know these people's story. You may know some stuff, but you won't know everything. You might be the only person to act like you truly care for them. Even if the parent(s) walk away, and act like they hate you...you may have planted a seed. Show them love. That doesn't mean to completely trust all of them...be careful. But don't sit and judge them, either.
My transition with little 'A' (can't tell her name for confindentiality reasons...and it's none of your business! lol) was, in my opinion, one of the best. I did trust her parent, and have a good gut feeling about them. Hopfully, this family knew I really was trying to work with them and help in any way I can. That's what fostering is.
It's been one of the hardest things I've done - I won't lie. But I feel like I was part of the whole solution, and thinking of what was best for HER made a huge difference!
I made it sound like a VERY positive thing with my own kids. They still talk about her everyday, and my daughter dresses a stuffed animal in an outfit 'A' used to wear...but I think because I didn't get emotional in front of them, it helped. I tell them it's ok to miss her and cry sometimes. But think how excited her family is now!! Children take thier cues from us parents. I knew I was getting somewhere with mine, when during 'A's 1st birthday party, my daughter, Ella, said "It's too bad her daddy's not here right now. He'd be excited!" Of course, he got to celebrate with her as well, but we didn't do it all together. My heart was so happy to hear her say that. I felt like I was finally getting them to see the happy side of all this!
I hope if anyone is considering foster care, you feel comfortable talking to me. I will help you along the way, any way I can!
Sometimes foster kids are the 'forgotten' kids. But I'm here to remind you. ;-)
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